Navigating the murky waters of the BDSM scene can be very daunting, not just for newbies, but for all of us. Perhaps you have taken a break from the scene due to work/life commitments, or maybe your previous partner did a 180 and decided they are no longer into your kinks and you want to find new folx to play with. Maybe you have discovered a newfound interest in a type of play your current partner/s aren’t into, but you want to explore in a fun, safe way but are wading into unfamiliar waters.
I would like to share experiences and negotiation techniques (good questions are important) to find the folx who rock your boat, but who will also respect your boundaries and your experience. So many of us end up trying to please others just to get a certain experience, but it may be detrimental to our mental and physical health if we can’t negotiate firm parameters within which we feel safe and ready to get down.
The issue of consent has come up a lot in my life these days, not just in the BDSM context, and I feel it is an area that demands more thought and discussion. I am no longer playing with a whole group of people that used to be a regular part of my life because of issues with consent and I hope to be able share some ways to confront folks who seem careless about consent and to make sure everyone feels comfortable to ask for what they need and get what they need—without sacrificing personal boundaries and integrity just to get a hot scene.